So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
