is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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