My girlfriend figured out who you are.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Chasing my kid around a 30' jungle gym was not how I envisioned spending the day off work to recover from a vasectomy.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
Randomize
