I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
You work today? I woke up with a raging boner that was whispering your name
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize