just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
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