woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize