you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
I mean, it's good for a lot of things. Just not the inside of your vagina
Well neither is bbq sauce but I dont judge kinks
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