If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
There's wine in the fridge here. You could leave school and we could get day drunk.
That's my favorite drunk.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Randomize