This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
She's laying here with her head in my lap stoned, eating Doritos, whining about her boyfriend, and listening to Cher. Fuck the friend zone.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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