goodnight i made you a song goodbye
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Can vaginas get frostbite?
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
