i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
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