She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I just wished the taco bell drive thru guy a happy cinco de mayo. Who says arizonians hate mexicans?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
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