I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Im in the STD packet for new students this year. And im going to be plastered tonight so be forewarned
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
