This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
All i've done since I got back to my room today is take a three hour nap. Like, I even planned to change my pants and haven't even done that yet.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
