The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Randomize
