...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Randomize
