Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
Randomize
