Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
