Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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