When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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