Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
The jerky fairy visited my fridge. It's glorious.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
