If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
My mother expressed her concerns about my drinking via a facebook message.
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