dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Randomize
