Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
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