I think I died a long time ago.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I gave you chlamydia, you gave me a concussion. Now we're even.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize
