i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
