So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
