so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
Ok see being that I'm not present or participating your vague texts "neeeeed that" and "vagina" leave a lot to question.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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