In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
