I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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