The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
