you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
