My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
Randomize
