remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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