May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
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