Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
