i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize
