I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
