Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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