Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize