I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Wow I didn't even consider the possibility of him having ED. I'm gaining so many life experiences from dating an older man
I keep looking at his nude pics and crying because ill never see it in person again.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
