I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
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