Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I need you to teach me how to be roommates with somebody I'm not fucking.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Randomize
