You made me cry and you don't even care
Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Randomize
