It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
Randomize
