OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
If i ever die cab you make sure bag pipes are at my funeral they are awsome
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
Randomize
