Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
