I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
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