she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
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