Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
Randomize
