Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
I just realized I have yet to puke in your new apartment. Clearly we're doing something wrong. On my way over with Cuervo as I type.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
Randomize
