two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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