At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
