Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
Randomize
