i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Thank you for not boning my boss.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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