HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
