Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
Randomize
