I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
