Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
