i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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