i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
Midgets have it so easy. They have so much less leg area to shave.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
