my vag is so smooth its legendary
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
Randomize
