let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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