i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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