i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
the pic of her and her boyfriend fell off the wall as we were fucking.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I'm sure I'll run in to him again, there's only so many VA detoxes.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize