Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
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